Love You Forever
by blueink3
Summary: CHAPTER II UP...Chandler struggles with events from the past and the daughter that he can't seem to hold on to.
1. CHAPTER I

Love You Forever Part I

"Jaime?" Chandler opened the door to his house and called for his daughter. He really didn't think that he would get a reply, but hey, it was worth a try. He looked at his watch. It was 9:30 PM. "Jaime?" He climbed the stairs and opened the door to her room. Of course, she was no where to be found. He went back downstairs and picked up the phone. Jaime was rarely found at her house. Well not necessarily at her house, just not around her father. Of course the fact that he was never home made it kind of difficult. He dialed Rachel's phone number and waited for her to pick up. 

"Hello?" 

"Hey, Rach, it's me."

"Hey Chandler, what's up?"

"Is Jaime there?" There was a short pause before she answered.

"No. I'm sorry I haven't seen her. Maybe she's out with Josh or something."

"Okay, thanks. I'll see you later. Do you want to do dinner sometime this week?" 

"Yeah that sounds great." 

"All right, well if you see her, tell her I'm looking for her." 

"Will do. Bye."

"Bye." Chandler hung up the phone and sighed. 

As she hung up the phone, Rachel looked over at her niece that was seated across the counter. 

"You know I hate to lie to him."

"Well I greatly appreciate it."

"I bet you do. Look I really think he misses you. You have to talk to him sometime."

"Yeah if only he was home long enough to actually carry on a conversation. It's amazing how two people who live in the same house can devise so many ways to avoid each other. I'm brilliant."

"You're cruel is what you are. He's your father."

"Legally perhaps but certainly not in the real sense of the word. I scare him. If I look or act the slightest bit like my mother, he won't go near me. And seeing as she is my mother, I _am_ like her! His goal in life is to pretend that I don't exist and he's very good at it." 

"That's not true. You're father is not scared of you." Rachel continued dicing the vegetables, wanting to drop the conversation. Jaime was as stubborn as her mother and even more so. She would fight to the bitter end and would love every minute of it. _She should be a lawyer,_ Rachel thought. She was immediately brought back to the conversation at hand, much to her chagrin. 

"Fine. Ask Dad where all the pictures of Mom are. Ask Dad where my baby pictures are. I swear I was born at the age of five! We certainly don't have any evidence that I existed before then!" Rachel had to admit that Jaime had a point. Chandler liked to pretend that it never happened. He wanted to erase that period from his memory and his heart.

"Here, slice this." Rachel tossed a tomato at Jaime, abruptly ending the conversation. Jaime looked confused for a moment.

"Wait why are you cooking at 9:30 at night?"

"Because I know you'll be here at 3:45 sharp tomorrow and if there isn't food ready and waiting, I know the moody teenager beneath will emerge." Jaime rolled her eyes but then gave Rachel a resigned look.

"Yeah you're right." 

After the "tragedy" as they referred to it now, Chandler and Rachel became really close. Both were single parents trying to raise daughters. Joey found some stardom as an actor but mostly did independent films now. Ross remarried of course, had another child, and he and his family resided in the city with Emma living with them every other week. Ben had his own apartment downtown having just graduated from college. Phoebe and Joey were actually roommates now seeing as neither could afford to live on their own. They had lived in LA for almost 4 years now, while Phoebe ran her own aromatherapy shop. Chandler and Monica moved to the suburbs after Jaime was born and they would've had more children, but their time was cut short. 

Chandler undid his tie and threw it on the bed. He unbuttoned his shirt and hung it in the closet. He looked at himself in the mirror. He had lost a lot of weight and still looked pretty good. Age suited him. The scars across his side and stomach were still visible though they were fading with the years. He shook the visions out of his head, put on a T-shirt and shut the door.

Jaime walked in at 11:32 PM and crossed the living room quietly, until a noise scared the living crap out of her. She looked over to find her father asleep on the couch but he was having a bad dream. He was whispering her mother's name and telling people to leave him alone. Jaime tiptoed over and stroked his head. She would never admit it but she missed him as well. 

"Shhh," she said. 

"Jaime."

"I'm right here, Daddy," she replied. She held his hand and he stopped dreaming. "I've always been right here. You just never seemed to notice." She gave a sad smile, covered him with a blanket, and made her way upstairs. Once she closed her door, she went over to her bed and pulled something out from under her pillow. It was a book entitled _Love You Forever_ that her father used to read to her all the time. It was about a mother who watched her son grow up and every night before he went to bed she would whisper to him, "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, but as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." As the son grew up the roles got reversed and he took care of his mother. That was the only story Jaime would ever listen to and Chandler would read it every night. She closed her eyes and remembered those days. 

Jaime opened the door to Rachel's apartment and called for her. 

"Aunt Rachel?"

"In here honey." Jaime walked to the back room. "Hey how was school?"

"As good as school can get I guess."

"Did you see Emma?"

"Yeah Uncle Ross picked her up."

"You know you really should start going home after school."

"Are you trying to get rid of me? I'm hurt. I mean deeply hurt." She jokingly accused her.

"Well as much as I would miss our enlightening conversations, I really think you should. You're Dad would like you to be there."

"Oh please. He's not home half of the time anyway. I would just be sitting around watching TV and eating junk food. Hey, you've probably saved me about 10 pounds and because of you my grades are higher!" Rachel glared at her but couldn't help but smile. "Besides, I don't have a car to drive to and from school. Even if I did, do you know how hard it would be to find parking! There's no school bus that goes off of the island either. Nice try, Greene, but it looks as though you're stuck with me." She grabbed a cookie off of the counter.

"Haven't you ever heard of a cab? They're those yellow things that block the intersections and piss everybody off." Rachel snatched the cookie back and stuffed it into her mouth. 

"Hey! I'm hungry." Rachel tossed her a carrot. 

"I'm saving you from 10 pounds, remember?" Jaime rolled her eyes and went to get her bag. 

"Oh I forgot to tell you. Guess who's coming to stay with me for a few days."

"If it's someone along the lines of Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt, I'm all ears." (AN: I know that Tom and Brad would be pretty old by then but who knows who will be hot, like, 20 years from now)

"Close enough. You're Uncle Joey is coming."

"Uncle Joey! Oh I miss him so much. I haven't seen him since last summer."

"Yeah, he's coming in on Wednesday and is staying for a week and a half. But don't tell your father. Joey wants to surprise him."

"It's not like I'll see him to tell him, anyway. Is Aunt Phoebe coming too?"

"Later in the week."

"Oh." There was a pause. "Do you have any more cookies?" Rachel threw the dishtowel at her. "Ow, child abuse! Child abuse!" Rachel laughed.

"You are your father's daughter." Jaime's smile faded and she looked Rachel in the eye. 

"I am _not_ my father's daughter."

- Jaime opened the door to her house a few days later and noticed that the lights were out, a sign that her father was working late at the office. She rolled her eyes and headed up the stairs to her room when Chandler popped out from his bedroom. 

"Hey you're home." Jaime jumped and missed her footing. Chandler caught her but not before she hit her head on the corner of the wall. 

"Hi Dad," she said as she held her head and he carried her down the stairs. "I didn't think you were home." 

"Sorry, sweetie." The "sweetie" didn't go unnoticed by her. 
    
    
    "I thought I'd be too big for you to carry me around anymore," she commented as he set her down on the couch. 

"Never." As he jokingly flexed his muscles. She laughed but then held her head in pain. "Hon, you're bleeding. Let me clean that up for you." She nodded her head and he ran into the kitchen. He came back with peroxide, an ice pack, and a Band-Aid. He crouched down in front of her and gently removed her curly brown hair from her face. "God you look like your mother." Jaime looked at him. 

"Really? A lot of people say I look like you."

"Well I'd be honored." Jaime smiled until he dabbed her forehead with the peroxide and she yelped in pain. 

"Ow, ow, ow!" He gently blew on it, put the Band-Aid on, and kissed it. 

"All better."

"That's what you think," as she gingerly touched her forehead. He put the ice pack on. 

"This will stop the swelling."

"Thanks Dad." There was an awkward silence that followed and neither knew what to do. 

"Do you want to watch a movie?" He finally asked. "I was about to pop one in." Jaime thought about it for a second.

"Okay. How about a classic?"

"Like what?"

"Well what do we have?" Chandler went over to the cabinet and read out some names.

"It's a Wonderful Life."

"Too Christmasy. Not to mention a little depressing."

"It gets better at the end."

"The end is like 3 hours away from the beginning!"

"Fine what about_ An Affair to Remember?" _

"Too romantic."

"I thought you liked romantic movies."

"I like romantic movies with Josh because it gives him ideas to do stuff that's all cute and adorable." Chandler laughed.

"All right you either have _The Philadelphia Story_ with Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart or _From Here to Eternity_ with Montgomery Clift and Frank Sinatra."

"Ooh. Both very good choices. You pick."

"_From Here to Eternity _revolves around a war instead of a wedding so let's go with that." He popped it in and went to the kitchen to make popcorn. "How come you don't like to come home early?"

Jaime knew the conversation was going to get nasty in a minute. "What?" she asked innocently.

"Jaime you know what I'm talking about. You spend forever at your Aunt Rachel's. That's not a bad thing but I'd like to see you more."

"Dad, you're hardly ever here anyway. What difference does it make?" She played with the fringe on the pillow next to her. Chandler walked back in the room.

"It makes a world of a difference. I would like to see my daughter from time to time."

"Can we please not discuss this right now?"

"No we are discussing it when I say so and I say now. Why do you not want to see me? What have I done?"

"We were actually having a normal evening. Why'd you have to ruin it?"

"Because everyday you ruin every hope I have to carry on a decent father/daughter relationship with you when I come home to find you either locked up in your room or not even here. You cannot keep me out of your life. I am your father and I refuse to be driven out!"

"That's bullshit! If anything, you're driving me out! You aren't my father! You stopped doing your fatherly duties when mom died! You fell apart and you left a 5 year old to pick up the pieces!" 

The words, "you aren't my father" echoed in his head. Tears formed in his eyes and he tried to speak but his voice cracked. Finally he choked out, 

"I am doing the best I can! I was a father and a damn good one until you grew up and pushed me away! You couldn't drive a wedge between us we were so close. Don't you remember?" he pleaded. 

"No." she replied flatly, completely shattering any hope Chandler had left in his already broken heart. 

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for –"

"STOP, Dad, stop!" she yelled. 

"Well she said the word "Dad". Now there's some progress," he thought. 

"My whole life, I have tried to do nothing but please you yet everything I do is wrong! I have followed your footsteps but I am not like you. I can't reason with you, God knows I've tried! I give up."

"I've never known you to give up on anything."

"Yeah well there's a first for everything. And when you aren't getting any results, why waste the effort." She took a long pause to catch her breath and get her emotions under control. She forced a small chuckle. " I just realized that I don't want to be you. I hope that my entire existence never ever resembles yours in any way, shape or form! I will not ask your opinions or seek your advice especially when it comes to the question of how to live my life! I will not drive my husband away as you have done with my mother. I can barely remember what she looked like! She's gone because of you!" Jaime choked back the tears that threatened to spill over and swallowed the lump in her throat. She knew that one hit Chandler hard. 

"I will not ask you for tips on how to raise my children either. I think that my actions now exhibit your credentials in that department. They will know that they are loved. They will know that they come first and they will never have to ask the question 'when's Daddy coming home!' I will live a happy life without you and you will be miserable for the rest of yours, but hey, you've earned it!" Jaime knew she was overreacting but her inner turmoil drove the words from her mouth. "It's so obvious that you didn't want to be a father! My friends at school talk about how their dads did this and took them there and I have to just nod my head and smile and laugh even though I know that I'll never have that!" Chandler just let her rant and said nothing. "In the past month I've seen you for the time it takes to drive from here to Jersey! 

"Everyday I try to make you realize that I am your daughter and not the thorn in your side or the pebble in your shoe, pick your metaphor 'cause I really just don't give a shit anymore. It doesn't seem like you do either. You come find me when you grow up and are ready to act like a father because believe me…I will be long gone by then."

She stared at the man before her. For the first time she felt that she had won the battle. 

That night he didn't snap at or criticize Jaime like usual, Chandler hung his head and was silent. She turned on her heel, marched up the stairs and slammed the door as if finalizing her argument. Once closed, she leaned up against it and slid down, finally releasing the tears that she had bottled up almost her entire life. Downstairs, Chandler did not watch her retreating figure but flinched as the door slammed. He sat down in the chair behind him and stared at his hands. 

__

When did everything fall apart?…Where'd my little girl go? he thought. It scared him to see how easily his life unraveled. He closed his eyes squeezing out a little tear, remembering a time and a place when things were as close to perfect as they could be. The memories were too painful to handle sober, so he grabbed his good friend Jack Daniel's and headed out the door. 

FLASHBACK…2002

"I'm pregnant," she cautiously said, afraid that if she spoke any louder, he'd spontaneously combust. After a few moments he replied, 

"Excuse me?" he asked, the shock wearing off and the reality of the situation setting in. 

"I'm pregnant," she replied a little more forceful than intended. She wasn't sure of his reaction but she had already made up her mind. She would raise this baby with or without him. A wave of relief passed over her as she saw a small smile creep onto his face as his eyes lit up and glanced down at her stomach. 

"You – You're pregnant?" She slowly nodded, carefully analyzing his every move. Was he okay? Was he going to freak out? She didn't know. He slowly reached out to touch her stomach but quickly withdrew his hand.

"Hey it's okay," she said as if soothing a child after a bad nightmare. 

"Can I hurt you?"

She looked deep into his eyes. "That depends on your reaction." He could see that, inside, she was afraid that he would run. To assure her that he wouldn't, he leaned in and slowly kissed her. He withdrew and stared at her. She was beginning to cry but he wiped her tears away with his thumb. He nervously asked again,

"Can I hurt you?" She smiled, took his hand, and placed it on their baby. She put her hand on his. They had a baby. It was THEIR baby. He got on his knees, kissed her stomach, and then kissed her again.

FLASHBACK…December 2002

"Come on, baby, push!"

"What the hell do you think I'm doing?"

He looked at her sort of hurt. "Sorry I'm just trying to help."

She looked into his eyes and saw the love and yet anxiety and helplessness that dwelled within them. "I'm so sorry sweetie. I know you are." She beckoned him to come closer and she whispered in his ear, "Tell me about our future."

Whenever she got nervous about becoming a mother or going through labor, he would remind her of all of the things that they had to look forward to. He kissed her on her temple as she tensed in another contraction. 

"Well we get to bring our new baby home and put him or her in his or her crib for the very first time. We get to show off how cute and adorable he or she is. We'll get to watch them grow up." Monica screamed through another bout of pushing. Chandler just kept whispering into her ear and holding her hand. "I'll teach them how to ride a bike and you can teach them to bake cookies. I'll show them how to play sports and you can tell them to clean their room." She laughed despite the pain. "We'll help them with their homework and watch them graduate. If we have a daughter, you can help her plan her wedding and I'll walk her down the aisle." She started to cry. "When they grow up we'll give them advice on how to raise their babies. You and I, Monica. You and I." 

She screamed one more time and the doctor announced that they had a girl. The doctor immediately handed the baby to the neonatal nurse who whisked her off to the other side of the room. Chandler didn't even get to look at her. It was probably for the best because if the brand new father had seen that his baby girl wasn't breathing and was turning bluer by the second, he would no doubt have had a panic attack or just flat out have broken down. Whichever one came first. 

"What's wrong?" Chandler asked the panic rising in his voice. The doctor motioned Chandler away from the very exhausted Monica. At this point they needed to keep her as calm as possible. 

"Mr. Bing, your daughter isn't breathing. The nurses are working on her as we speak – 

"Wait, what do you mean working on her?" It took all of Chandler's strength to keep his voice from breaking and the tears at bay. The doctor informed him that the baby would be okay, they just needed to get her airways cleared and test her lungs to see if they were fully developed. Chandler made his way back over to Monica while the nurses "worked" on his daughter. HIS daughter. He had a family. Monica, despite her best efforts to keep her eyes open, fell asleep, the medicine and 26 hours of labor getting to her. Chandler couldn't sit still. His nerves were on end and every single fear was pulsing inside of him full force. Their daughter's future was in jeopardy and nothing scared him more than that. 

When the nurses finally brought his little girl over to him, he was speechless. He barely registered the doctor's words as he told him that the baby would be perfectly fine. Chandler just stroked her head and glanced at Monica who had opened her eyes, which were now brimming with tears. As he held his daughter in his arms, he played the future that he had envisioned like a movie in his head. He didn't realize that the woman beside him wouldn't be there for half the things that he had dreamed. 

FLASHBACK…2006

After Monica tucked her in, Chandler always had a special ritual with his little girl. He checked every nook and cranny of her room for monsters that would come get her in the night and then he would read her a story called _Love You Forever_. Chandler thought it was a cute story and after his monster routine, they would snuggle on the vast, pink frontier that was her bed.

As he finished the book, he glanced over and noticed that she was sound asleep, her arm draped across his stomach. He smiled, kissed her forehead, and whispered in her ear, "Love you forever, like you always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." He carefully squeezed out from under her, fixed her covers, and turned out her lamp. Before he closed the door, he heard a small voice. 

"Daddy?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"You forgot to check under the bed."

PRESENT DAY…

Jaime picked up the phone and called her Aunt Rachel to pick her up seeing as she wasn't exactly in the best condition to drive especially to Manhattan. She climbed out of the window and ran to Rachel's car when it pulled up across the street, hoping to avoid her father. For Rachel, this was a weekly ritual. Chandler and Jaime normally had a blowout once a week but none so great as this, Rachel noticed, when Jaime got into the car and didn't say anything. Usually she would rant and rave about her father's new fighting techniques, the latest one being threats. Rachel would get a phone call from Chandler in the morning hearing the exact same thing, Jaime's latest being an all out swear-fest. Enough to make even The Osbournes blush. Rachel was now worried about Chandler as well.

"Is he all right?"

"I don't care."

"Jaime…" Rachel started but realized that it was a lost cause. "Well, he won't do anything drastic or stupid will he?"

"Drastic? No. Stupid? Probably. All I did was open his eyes to the truth. A rude awakening though it was, it shouldn't affect him too badly seeing as the truth manages to hurt everyone except him. If you ask me it just isn't fair."

"Honey, no one ever said life was fair. You and your father should know that above all things." 

"Please don't give me that metaphorical crap, he tried it on me before, it didn't take." Rachel was used to this kind of behavior when she picked Jaime up. It would wear off by the morning. "Can we please go home?" Rachel noticed how Jaime called _her_ home "home" instead of the one that she shared with Chandler. 

"Sure thing, Baby." She put the car into gear and drove off. Rachel was the only mother Jaime had. Chandler saw the car drive around the corner and, accompanied by his whiskey, he turned and walked down the block. When he reached the corner of Pemberly and James, he stopped. He stared up at the sign and raised the almost empty bottle.

"Here's to you, you son of a bitch." He swigged the last remnants and smashed the bottle in the road. In the sidewalk cement, he could see where the old, mangled street sign was removed. It was probably the alcohol but he could've sworn that there was a faint bloodstain on the street as well. 

"You wanted somebody. You needed someone, but not just anyone. No." He shook his head at no one in particular. "You needed HER!" The "her" was so violent, it echoed through the night sky. "You took away my reason for living, my purpose in life! And for what? So you could prove that life couldn't be perfect? Well," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, 

"Bravo. I am awed at the results." Chandler paused, his emotions getting a stronger grip on him. 

"Why didn't you punish him?!" he screamed as he pointed to an imaginary car coming down the street. "He's the goddamn bastard that took her away. My daughter blames me! My own flesh and blood! You know I did everything I could, but you didn't give hope a chance. What ever happened to miracles? Why couldn't you have given me one that night, huh? No, that would've been too much wouldn't it? Well your perfect plan to ruin the perfect life went off without a hitch." He gave a little laugh. "Life goes on right? And it did… it most certainly did." He laughed at the irony. Either the alcohol or the extreme hate he was feeling at the moment made him fall on his knees as he looked into the darkness. 

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I tried, really I did. I guess everyone was right. I wasn't meant to be a father. I couldn't do it without you," he choked out, tears slowly making their way down his face. "You gave me the strength and the courage to go on. But I guess even they run out. I'm so sorry." He stumbled back down the street so sure that what he was doing was right. He felt as though a great burden would be lifted. Maybe for once, his daughter would agree.

Rachel pulled the car into the driveway and turned to get Jaime but found that she was already asleep. Rachel went into the building and grabbed Joey who arrived hours earlier. He came out, picked her up and carried her inside. He laid her on the pull-out couch and looked at Rachel who shook her head. 

"I'm gonna go over there. Just to see if he's okay," Joey said after seeing the state that Jaime was in. Rachel had kept him up to speed about the frequent fights between father and daughter. He grabbed the keys and left. It was 12:06 AM.

Rachel sat down on the edge of the couch and stared at the 17-year-old before her. She looked so much like her father. She knew that Chandler loved her with all of his heart, it was just hard for him to express it. Jaime interpreted it as rejection. Chandler tried so hard to provide for her but his world kept slipping. Everyone knew what he went through and how much pain he was in. They all understood that but unless Chandler and his daughter had a civil conversation, Jaime never would. Rachel paced for hours waiting for Joey to come home and finally at 2:23 AM, the phone rang…but she was too scared to pick it up. A weird feeling in the pit of her stomach told her not to because she already knew the answer. It didn't matter what they said. She knew and yet didn't want to believe it…

Chandler Bing was dead.

To be continued…


	2. CHAPTER II

Love You Forever Part II

She couldn't take it anymore. Screw gut reactions, she needed to hear someone say it. Rachel raced to the phone and picked it up. 

"Where's Chandler?" she demanded not even saying hello.

"Rach, we're at the hospital."

"What?" Rachel's heart dropped to her stomach. 

"Look Chandler had a little incident involving pills but he's okay, Rach. He's okay. He really wants to see you but he doesn't want to disturb Jaime. He's not ready to see her just yet. So I'll come home and stay with her while you go, okay?"

"Okay. But Chandler's all right? The doctors said he'll be fine?" Her voice was quiet, clearly shaken. 

"Yes, Rach. He'll be okay." 

"Okay." She hung up the phone, put her hand over her mouth and ran to the bathroom. Chandler had tried to kill himself. The words echoed in her head. One of her worst fears had come so close to becoming reality. She took in a deep breath. Chandler was okay. Rachel depended on him, she couldn't lose him. She walked out of the bathroom and glanced over at Jaime. She wanted to wake her up and yell at her. It was her fault. Chandler had already been through so much and her attitude never helped. 

You can't think that way. Rachel wondered how they were going to get through this one. Jaime always resented the fact that she didn't have a mother for very long. If she knew what happened that night, it might help her come to terms with it. The "God needed her" theory only worked until she was 6. It was time. Chandler needed to tell his daughter the truth. A half-hour later Joey drove up outside the building and Rachel ran out to meet him. 

"How is he?"

"They pumped his stomach and last time I checked he was sleeping. The police are charging him with disturbing the peace but I'll let him explain that to you since I didn't get much out of him." He paused. "Does she know?" Rachel shook her head. 

"She's still sleeping." Joey nodded, dropped the keys in her hand and headed into the apartment as Rachel drove off. Joey sat down on the edge of the couch causing Jaime to stir. She slowly opened her eyes.

"Hey Uncle Joey." She glanced at her watch. "What are you doing?"

Simple answers. Maybe she'll go back to sleep. "Nothing." _Good start._

"Where's Aunt Rachel?" _Think! _Joey struggled for an answer and didn't come up with a very good one either.

"At the store."

"At 3:00 in the morning?" Joey got that classic "deer caught in headlights" look. _Crap._

"Y – Yes."

"What's going on? Where's Aunt Rachel?" He sighed.

"She's, um, she's at the hospital."

"Oh my God, what happened?"

"She's there visiting your father." He looked carefully at her.

"My fa – what happened to Dad?" The panic evident in her voice.

"Look he did something, he really didn't want to do but"–

"Tell me what happened!" Jaime demanded. "Please," she added quietly. 

"Jaime, your father overdosed on pills." She looked on completely shell-shocked, tears welling up in her eyes. 

"Is he – I mean is he gonna…" she choked on her own words.

"No sweetie, he's gonna be all right."

"Well why? I mean why did he?" Joey looked at her and she broke down into sobs. She didn't need him to say it. She already knew. He enveloped her in a hug and rocked her back and forth. 

Rachel ran up to the front desk and grabbed the nearest nurse. 

"Chandler Bing?"

"Floor 4, Intensive Care. The elevators are to your left."

"Thank you," she yelled halfway there already. The door opened to the ICU floor and she ran up to that desk. "Could you tell me what room Chandler Bing is in?"

"Are you family?" the nurse asked. 

"Yes," she answered without thinking. "I'm his sister." 

"Could I have your name, please?"

"Rachel Greene."

"He's in room 403 right down the hall there," she responded pointing. "If you wait just a minute a doctor will be right with you to give you an update. Then you can go see him." 

"Thanks." Rachel cautiously walked down the hall, looking around at the white walls and windows into people's rooms. The various machines began to scare her but when she turned, she bumped right into a doctor. "Oh I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. Ms. Greene I presume?" Rachel nodded. "I'm Dr. O'Neill. I treated your brother."

"Oh."

"Why don't you have a seat." They sat down in the hard, plastic white chairs. "Well, with cases like this we like to get some past history. Has Mr. Bing ever seemed suicidal or unhinged?"

"He has had a very bad past but it has never been this severe."

"When we pulled up his file, he was listed as having been admitted before for some broken bones and large lacerations."

"Yes. That was the accident."

"Right, involving Monica Bing who was killed that night, your sister-in-law," he cautiously said. Rachel looked down. "I'm sorry we can do this another time. I just need to know what happened that night so we can see what we're dealing with." 

"No it's okay." She took a deep breath. "Chandler and Monica…God they were perfect for each other." 

She smiled remembering but a single tear slipped. "On their seventh anniversary, they were driving back from dinner and two blocks from their home a drunk driver broad sided them on Monica's side…She died in Chandler's arms."

FLASHBACK…2007

"Do you think she's asleep?" Monica asked, going over their plans for later that evening. 

"She better be," Chandler smiled and reached over and laced his fingers through hers. He looked through the windshield wipers sloshing the rain off. "Wait, where are we?" Monica laughed. 

"We're on James St. Go up five blocks and then make a left on Pemberly."

"Oh right." 

"No left."

"Right."

"Chandler you make a left."

"Right…I know that I make a left."

"Oh." They glanced at each other and burst out laughing. Monica finally recovered and her expression turned thoughtful.

"Chandler?"

"Hm?" He absently stroked her hand.

"Do you ever think about having another baby?" Chandler looked at her.

"Yes I do." Monica was so nervous, she didn't wait for his answer, but kept rambling on, not hearing him.

"I mean Jaime's almost five and it would be nice if she had a sibling to play with and I know that you wouldn't mind having a son but – you do?" Chandler couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah I do. Why?"

"Just something to keep in mind."

"I love you so much." 

"I love you too. Forever and ever." Monica broke the moment. "Oh Pemberly's next. Make a left."

"Right." He smirked as Monica playfully swatted him. "Got it under control, babe." He kissed her hand as headlights flashed through her window and all Chandler could hear was the crunching of metal and his wife's bloodcurdling scream. 

"MONICA!" His yell of desperation faded into the night as everything went black. 

Chandler came to a little later as sirens in the distance brought him to his senses. He could feel blood making its way down his face but he only needed to get to Monica. As he moved to unbuckle his seat belt, pain shot up his left side and his once blue shirt was already stained red. He looked over at his wife who was almost unrecognizable, her hand still gripping his. Her face was crimson and her head rested up against the shattered window. The street sign had molded to the front of their car. Pemberly and James. Pieces of the other driver were on the window. Chandler leaned over and threw up. Despite the excruciating pain he slid himself over to Monica and gently took her in his arms. He brushed her sticky hair out of her face. 

"Mon? Monica?" His voice caught. "Baby, come on please. Look at me." She slowly opened her eyes and smiled at him but it was quickly replaced by a flinch of pain. 

"Chandler…"

"Shhh. Don't talk. You'll be all right. You hear those sirens? They're coming for us. Then everything will be all right." She shook her head.

"They won't make it in time," she whispered. 

"Don't say that. Don't talk like that. We'll be okay, we'll - " she shook her head again in heartbreaking resignation. He choked back a sob. "You can't leave me! I need you so much. Please don't leave me." He rested his forehead against hers. "I can't do this alone. I can't raise our daughter alone." Monica started crying harder at the thought of their daughter sound asleep at home. "You have to be strong. We can pull through this. You and I… You and I, Monica, remember?"

"I love you," she whispered. Chandler broke down. 

"Don't do that." 

"I'm so cold…hold me." He held her to his chest so close that not even death could take her away.

"I love you. Always and forever," he choked out. 

"I know," Came the barely audible reply but it was loud enough to rip Chandler's heart in two. He gently rocked her back and forth. 

"Please don't take her. Please don't leave me," he begged. "Our life is this family and it doesn't work without you."

"You've got to go on, sweetie. Promise me you will," she winced again as the pain grew stronger. 

"Can't go on without you, though." He choked back another sob.

"Promise me."

"No. I can't."

"Please Chandler. For our little girl." Chandler stopped trying to hold back the sobs that wracked his body. 

"I promise." Came the reply. His chest was so tight he could barely breath. 

"Take care of her for me. Read her stories…protect her from monsters…make her favorite apple sauce…double knot her shoelaces."

"We'll do it together. I won't let you leave me. I know I'm being selfish but you can't. I just don't work without you."

"Shhh." She put her finger to his lips. "I'll always be here." She put her hand on his chest, over his rapidly beating heart. 

"Monica, don't…" he trailed off and leaned down and kissed her. Death pried her away anyway. It didn't matter how tight he held her. They had almost made it. They were almost home. 

Home. Just two blocks away. 

~~~ 

Rachel walked towards Chandler's room, trying to keep her hands from shaking. She didn't know what to say. Her best friend had tried to kill himself. What do you do about that? She just wanted to hug him and tell him that it would be okay, and yet she wanted to beat him with a stick at the same time. She quietly opened the door and found him sleeping peacefully on the bed. He looked a little pale but otherwise just the same. She tiptoed over and sat in a chair next to him. He stirred and opened his eyes. 

"Hey you," he said. Rachel started crying. "Hey it's okay."

"No it's not, Chandler. You tried to kill yourself. What the hell was going through your mind? Don't you know that we're here for you? I'm right here."

"I know I'm sorry."

"No I'm sorry. I shouldn't be doing this. Not here, not now." She smiled. "Maybe some other time though."

"I'm free Friday." 

"See? If you're gone, who's gonna make me laugh?"

"Jaime's got a pretty good sense of humor." His voice caught on her name. 

"She gets that from you."

"No, she's her mother."

"No she's you. How do you not see it? She looks like you, acts like you." Rachel knew exactly what he was thinking. "Chandler, you did an amazing job." He shook his head. 

"Daughters aren't supposed to hate their fathers. It doesn't work that way." 

"She doesn't hate you." Chandler gave a bitter laugh. 

"Do you see the way she looks at me? You should replay our conversation from earlier tonight. That'll enlighten you. Welcome to the dysfunctional world that is the Bing family!" Even in a time like this, Chandler's sarcasm rang out clear and true.

"Chandler, she never gets to see you. She misses you, she's told me so herself." Rachel held his hand. 

"We all miss you." Chandler smiled. 

"I miss you too." There was a knock on the door. "Come in." Joey stuck his head around the corner. 

"Hey, I'm sorry I know you said to wait to bring her but, damn, is she strong. She wrestled the keys out of me and on the way over I swear I saw my life flash before my eyes." Everybody looked down at the last comment. "Sorry."

"It's okay Joe. Is she here?"

"Yeah I forced her into one of the chairs and threatened to tie her down." 

"I'll get her," Rachel offered. 

"Thanks Rach." She left the room to go find Jaime and Joey took her seat. "Joe, I want to thank you."

"For what?"

"I'm alive because of you. You brought me here and I wanted to thank you for it."

"I had to. You're the Chan Chan Man. I mean playing Fireball with Phoebe is fun for only so long before, well…lets just say it involves exorcisms and seances." After seeing Chandler's puzzled look. 

"It's Phoebe, don't ask." Chandler smiled and opened his mouth to say something but Joey cut him off. "You're the closest thing I have to a brother even though I'm Italian and you're Chinese…" Chandler swallowed the lump in his throat recalling a certain "last night" fooseball game, "…but I love you, man." Joey stuttered trying to get a hold of himself. "I know you would've done the same for me." Chandler smiled as Joey leaned over and hugged him. 

"You're a good man, Charlie Brown," he replied.

"Dude, I'm JOEY." Chandler shook his head as Jaime slowly opened the door. 

"Hey sweetie."

"Hi," she responded quietly.

"Well I'm gonna go find me a hot nurse. I'll see ya later."

"Bye, Joe." Jaime kept her eyes on her shoes and made her way over to the chair. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"I've never been one for hospitals."

"That's not what I meant." Jaime shook her head.

"No I'm not all right. Why? I mean why did you? Well, I know why but I want to hear you say it."

"Say what?"

"Say it was because of me."

"Jaime that is not it." 

"Yes it is."

"No. Look I was really messed up and it was not one of my better decisions, okay? I know I screwed up, but it was not your fault."

"I am so sorry. I said that Mom died because of you and that is not true. I don't know exactly what happened that night but I know you wouldn't have given up without a fight." 

"And neither did she."

"I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you." She bit her lower lip, Chandler noticed, as she did whenever she was trying not to cry. He knew every little quirk about her. She'd challenge him on that, but he did, despite what she said.

"Shh, it's okay. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was hurt my little girl."

"I'm not so little anymore."

"I know." That simple phrase was so full of pain and sorrow from missing out on all of the small things in life. Chandler hardly saw the bouncy, energetic girl grow into the beautiful young woman that now sat beside him. Those two words were enough to make Jaime stop fighting the tears. 

"Mom's already gone. I can't lose you too." She swallowed hard and played with the blanket on the bed, another nervous habit of hers. 

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise?" Chandler thought about his almost broken promise to Monica.

"Promise." Chandler reached over and dried her tears with his thumb. Jaime looked thoughtful for a moment. 

"Ya know I lied when I said I didn't remember." 

"Remember what?" he asked gently taking her hand. She whispered quietly,

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my Daddy you'll be."

The End.


End file.
